At church today they read from the Book of James. “If any of you lacks wisdom he should ask God…and it will be given him. But when he asks he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea blown and tossed by the wind.” James practical “faith without works is dead” spirituality was such a cornerstone of early AA,"the James Group” was one of the names considered for the fledgling fellowship. I think of all the prayers said on my behalf for the near 5 years I struggled with relapse. “I pray for you every night, I pray for Nicky, for Anthony and a lot of people.”
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| Praying with Hope |
Then there is Don C – sober now 42 years and a graduate of Sister Ignatia’s Rosary Hall in Cleveland. “Try praying for yourself, too” she advised him when he went to her, six months clean, looking for prayers and about to go in front the judge who could have tossed him in jail for a LONG time. “God likes to hear from people he’s not heard from in a while,” she added. The judge laid the verbal rap on Don pretty hard. “You deserve much worse than this, Mr. C. But I’ll not send you to jail. But you’re paying back has to start right away and better not ever get delayed. You should thank your lucky stars that you have a very powerful friend who spoke in your behalf.” The judge was among the huge legion of people who loved and respected the 95-lb giant of a woman they called Sister I. Perhaps no one did so more than AA’s co-founder, one Robert Holbrook Smith who, in 1938, teamed up with her to turn a semi-broom closet in Akron’s St. Thomas Aquinas Hospital, into the first real AA ‘alcoholic ward’. Rosary Hall Solarium is what she called the larger ward she created when in 1953 she was transferred to Cleveland. RHS in honor of the man she knew and loved so well.
It took Don near 20 years to do all his paying back, but pay it he did. When on Labor Day weekend 2002 he let me hold the miraculous medal Sister I gave to each person who left that RHS, I was close to tears again. The deal was you had to give the medal back if you drank. My man Don went through some very stormy seas these last 40+ years, but never did he drink.
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It is cold but not bitter here in Philly-town this mid-February night. My friend Johnny Z called last night fresh off his latest relapse. I said “no” to his request for a loan to pay his landlady part of his 2-week past due rent. My friend Steve, to whom I’d introduced John last Christmas Eve, is perhaps a bit more compassionate (and a bit more flush money wise!), did buy Johnny a transpass and an Acme food card for $20. But Johnny (and Nicky and Ant-ny) were all among the intentions remembered as I just took a little rosary walk. Perhaps per the example of Don C and Sister Ignatia, John will maybe pray for himself with a bit more zeal…perhaps he’ll even heed James’ advice – and will pray with some real faith and hope. Nicky and Anthony AND ME were all folk a lot of people thought would never get it.
I missed my weekly rosary group tonight as I spoke at a group across town for a friend celebrating nine years of sobriety. But even though the place is called the Methodist Hospital and Nursing Home, a statue of Mary stared down on me as I spoke. As always, Mary was part of my recovering story. A member came up to me after the meeting and gave me a holy card with a prayer to Mary on it. He told me of a son who as an infant was called incurable by the doctors, but who recovered after he anointed him with oil that he had blessed at St Rita’s Church right on Broad Street. The son is 36 years old now. Irony of ironies, poor beaten down Johnny grew up right across the street and was baptized at old St. Rit’s. I guess this story is pretty much for him.
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February, 2012
A lot of players and info in this little story I wrote eight years ago. This winter has had almost no bitter nights in its wake – in fact it’s had very few cold ones. As the crow flies, I just left a meeting with ‘poor beaten down John’ and I guess he is about a month removed from his latest relapse. He does not know that he has the capability to not fall again, but that is not really important. What is important is that he keeps in the day/moment and that he consistently asks and thanks God for help AND that he does not pick up when he really wants to.
Alas among the other players in the story, Don C is just about hanging on out in Cleveland…severe senility has set in. Addiction killed Nicky. Anthony has about 8 years sober now. And alas in the summer of ’04, Steve R passed on also…somehow, 19 years after he’d given up the dope, he developed cirrhosis of the liver and his body just never took to the transplant he’d gotten. Next to Sister I (and I guess James, the author of the Book of James) Steve was easily the best man in this story. God and our human bodies work in strange ways sometimes.
Which brings us to a new player in this extended tale. His name is Tom and he was a client of mine in the drug/alcohol clinic where I work. When he came in last August, the bloated stomach and gray skin were dead giveaways of his cirrhosis. Eventually a few drainings and a lot of water pills got the swelling down, but after an initial ‘we hope it is not too far gone to regenerate itself’ speck of hope, he was told it was too diseased to heal. We even went so far as writing a positive review of his admission to the transplant team social worker, as he was placed in the waiting list that was his only hope. Alas a few weeks back, Tom was told the liver had begun to heal itself. God and our human bodies work in strange ways sometimes indeed!
So it goes. Tom went so far in his recovery efforts that we even went through most of the 12 steps this fall. I really don’t remember if I’d asked him to remember Steve and their cirrhosis connection in his prayers, but I know that I sure did. Stevo loved to be involved with stuff and I’m sure that was not a trait that dispersed when he crossed over to the other side of mortality. I sometimes think that ‘other side’ is chock full of folk wishing we mortals would utilize their particular graces in our efforts to squeeze more happiness and meaning out of our complicated little lives.
So God willing Tom will continue to heal. Johnny Z will also – and will finally permanently avoid the relapses. And may we all embrace and encase the Great All that will guide us to the Promised Land of fulfilling God’s will for us. Unity forever Amen
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